Yesterday, Levi Fishman at the Jewish Outreach Institute gave The Shiksa Blog a generous “shout out.” The JOI’s mission, according to Mr. Fishman, is to “promote a more welcoming and inclusive North American Jewish community for intermarried families and unengaged Jews.” Here’s the link to his article:
As a writer, I have a great respect for the power of words. In his post, Mr. Fishman brought up how the word “shiksa” can be controversial; it is seen as a loaded term by some within the Jewish community. My blog today is dedicated to anybody who might feel annoyed, upset, or confused over my light-hearted and humorous use of the word shiksa.
To some Jews, the word shiksa is seen as an ethnic slur full of hate. After all, it has an ugly historical context. It’s a Yiddish term, and on a literal level it means “abomination,” or an “unclean thing.” On a symbolic level, the word denotes otherness—not belonging—a stigma. Many female converts to Judaism have described the feeling of never being able to shed the “shiksa image,” despite the fact that they have converted. And yet, the early rabbis insisted that converts should be treated as if they had always been Jewish.
So why is it that certain segments of the Jewish population don’t openly welcome the idea of outsiders? Some believe it’s because intermarriage weakens the Jewish people. Others fear the possible consequences for a religion that is changing and evolving to fit our modern world. Whatever the reason, within certain Jewish families a quiet prejudice exists against others (especially women) who were not born Jewish. To those people, a converted woman may always carry with her a “shiksa stigma”. It’s unfortunate.
Or is it? After all, I personally have no shame that I was born a Gentile. I am currently in the process of converting to Judaism. But if I could go back and choose to be born Jewish, I wouldn’t. Conversion was a conscious decision made after years of spiritual reflection and careful thought. In fact, I would say that I take the Jewish faith a lot more seriously than some who were born into it. So I suppose, in many ways, I’m proud of being a shiksa. The word does not represent a stigma to me, and by writing this blog I am working to change any negative association that others might see in it.
While I’ve made the decision to convert, I also support those who choose not to convert. I feel that interfaith marriage is something to be celebrated. The idea of two people from different spiritual backgrounds uniting in love and mutual understanding is, I believe, a beautiful thing. I am all for a more progressive and inclusive Jewish community, one that welcomes people from other faiths with open arms. I believe that enlightened education and the open sharing of traditions will help keep the Jewish spirit strong in our constantly evolving world.
Words are powerful, but they are also ever-changing. A word is endowed with as much meaning as you choose to give it. In my world, the word shiksa has only ever been used with humor, love, and respect. I have Jewish friends and acquaintances from all over the globe, and I’ve never felt a hint of the “shiksa stigma” from anybody. On the contrary, I feel that I’ve been warmly welcomed into a larger family and community. Even though I’m a shiksa, I’ve received love and support from all the Jewish people in my life… and that’s the way it should be.
I look forward to the day when I step into the mikveh and officially join the tribe. But even after I convert, I will proudly remain a shiksa in spirit.
Enough said. Let’s get back to cooking, shall we?! :)
My hubby and I will be celebrating Shabbat tonight with our dear friends, the Hadar family. Etti Hadar and her mother, Bella, descend from a long line of Polish Ashkenazi Jews. Etti, Bella and I will be cooking together from noon till sundown, in preparation for a traditional Ashkenazi feast. I am excited to learn some new recipes, and will share my experience here on the blog next week. Shabbat Shalom!
UPDATES
Here are the links to my Shabbat dinner with the Hadar Family:
Uncle Dov’s Memoir: Polish Ashkenazi Food and Traditions (Part 1)
The Levin Family—Polish Ashkenazi Food and Traditions (Part 2)
And here is a link to my conversion blog:
I like the Shiksa blog sooooooo much
I’m learning so much from your blog.
Thank you
Anyone who knows you understands that you are about the light and love of life. There is not enough acceptance between religions and races in the world. Hopefully your blog will cause people whose minds are closed to the inclusion of “outsiders” into their worlds to loosen up and realize that we can all learn from each other. Keep up the good work!
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I must have learned from the best!
Thanks for reading Sandra!
And we welcome you with open arms, open doors, and an open heart…
Thank you so much, Rabbi Olitsky! You don’t know how much your kind words mean to me.
I converted and my “boyfriend”, constantly refers to his friends wives, daughter in laws or girlfriends as Shiksas. I cringe everytime he uses this word. He uses it in the manner that is meant to be derogatory and hateful and it really gets on my nerves. He also calls non Jewish people and food, Goyim which is also meant to be derogatory and then eats food so non kosher that not even I would touch it. You are certainly a lucky person to be in the supportive environment you are in. Perhaps people like you will help people change their beliefs about those who choose to become a Jew.
Hi Beverly, thank you for your comment and welcome to the site. I’m sorry your boyfriend feels that way; I hope blogs like mine can help to change the perspective of people like him.
What a refreshing experience I just had stumbling on to your blog. I am a shiksa too! I have been with my (now) husband for almost 10 years and feel the “silent prejudice” constantly. Sometimes, it’s not so silent. In fact, the discrimination is precisely why I chose not to convert. It weighs heavily on my heart and I feel saddened my presence has not enlightened the family after all this time. I will continue to be myself and love my husband, but sometimes it feels like David vs. Goliath to make the family see me as as equal. After all, as you say, we aren’t that different! I have found that cooking Jewish food (tho I am not that good yet) is a great way for me to show interest in my husband’s heritage and have him feel represented in our home. Thank you for helping me do that. If you know of any other like-minded/interfaith communities online, I’d love to be a part.
Emily, I’m so sorry to hear you haven’t been welcomed more openly into the faith. You should really check out these two communities, they are trying hard to reverse that prejudice you’re feeling and change things for the better:
The Jewish Outreach Institute: http://joi.org/
Interfaith Family: http://www.interfaithfamily.com/
Hope your experience with Judaism improves, it’s a beautiful faith that has certainly changed my life for the better. Meanwhile, I’m very happy you found my blog– you are always welcome here!
Dear Shiksa –
Love your blog – I am glad that you are including foods from the Mediterranean and Middle East, and presume you have Claudia Roden’s master work on Jewish food?
If you have ever seen the film Rosenstraße, about “shiksa” wives who bravely resist Nazi oppressors to defend their Jewish husbands, there is a subplot about a woman much later who is not happy about her daughter “marrying out” (but that part of the film ends well, obviously not everything can end well in the Nazi era)…